When your car is trying to kill you and your dog is trying to warn you
"73 is the 21st prime number. Its mirror, 37, is the 12th, and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, 7 and 3" - Sheldon Cooper
Is 73 the only Sheldon Prime? More here 👉 https://t.co/J9iMXLY8Et” //
The Chuck Norris of numbers....
“A human is the geometric mean of the mass of a proton and the Sun”
“Order of operations really does matter ...
Welds railing in place with head on wrong side of railing...
Just passed great billboard: 713-WASNT-ME Criminal Defense Attorney
U.S.—In a move to help oppressed husbands who are forced to walk around the craft store in a daze for hours as they lose all sense of time and space, Hobby Lobby has unveiled its new husband daycares at all of its U.S. stores.
Yesterday’s column weighed in on the debate whether Jesus was a socialist.
Like Cal Thomas, I don’t think the Bible supports coercive redistribution by government.
Today, let’s look at the same issue, but from a humorous perspective.
For those on the other side of the debate, Socialist Jesus has a very efficient mechanism to collect alms for the poor.
Snarki, child of Loki • July 11, 2019 12:02 PM
"The Smart trend is turning stupid."
Smart is the new Stupid.
Patrick • July 11, 2019 12:28 PM
"Do you know what version of the firmware you're running ?"
Pretty sure you can just telnet into it and it tells you right there on the login screen.
drdec • July 11, 2019 12:29 PM
If you need to reset the software in your GE smart light bulb...
Something has gone horribly wrong in your life.
Chelloveck • July 11, 2019 12:57 PM
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
CallMeLateForSupper • July 11, 2019 1:11 PM
Last century, when I was a kid, jokes about "Honest John the used car salesman" were common. Honest too often meant not honest. Today, "smart" usually indicates not-smart.
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She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.
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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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Dear God; if you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
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Dear God: Thank you for my baby brother but what I really wanted was a puppy.
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Dear God: Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
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Dear God: We read Thos Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
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Dear God; I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the world. There are only 4 people in my family and I can never do it.
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Dear God: I think about you even when I'm not praying.
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Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones why don't you just keep the ones you got now.
Everyone makes mistakes — some are just funnier than others. That’s truly the case in “Short Circuits,” a fun department and fan favorite that ran for several years in the print magazine in which readers sent in their most memorable job-site blunders. This conglomeration of electrical goofs was in no way meant to minimize the importance of taking electrical safety seriously because we all know that mistakes in the electrical industry can be deadly. However, these botched electrical installations were light-hearted in nature, did not ever result in serious injury, and served as a way for readers to share the hilarious situations that sometimes crop up in the field while remembering valuable lessons.
Texas has the best state flower, hands down. The bluebonnet incredibly unique, and when its season hits, you can find Texans in their Sunday best, kneeling down in fields surrounded by them as they have their pictures taken.
In fact, throughout bluebonnet season you’ll oftentimes find cars parked on the sides of major highways if there is a strong enough concentration of bluebonnets nearby.
This year, it would appear that various police departments are getting in on the game.
Police all around Texas have decided that they were going to post pictures of themselves doing the poses they’ve often seen citizens doing on the sides of the road, or in pictures, and the results have so far been hilarious. The challenge has been labeled the “#BackTheBlueBonnet” challenge.
Pilot fish is helping his pastor fine-tune the church LAN when he notices that the day-care facility next door has a wide-open and unsecured Wi-Fi connection.
Fish’s pastor wants to connect to the day-care center’s printer and print a document saying, “This is from your neighbors. You need to tighten the security on your Wi-Fi.”
Fish suggests that they instead print a document that says, “This is from God. You need to go to church. There’s a really nice one right next door.”
“Too bad the pastor overruled me,” says fish