I've been receiving a lot of responses to the 500-mile email story. Since I originally posted it, it has been forwarded massively, far beyond anything I anticipated. While most of the responses are just to say, "thanks, fun story" or the like, and some have been solicitations for work (thanks, and keep them coming!), a not-insubstantial portion have been of, might I say, the nit-picking variety. Rather than reiterate the points again and again, I've compiled these answers to frequently-asked questions.

1. Did this actually happen, or were you just spinning a yarn?

I was working in a job running the campus email system some years ago when I got a call from the chairman of the statistics department.

"We're having a problem sending email out of the department."

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"We can't send mail more than 500 miles," the chairman explained.

I choked on my latte. "Come again?"

"We can't send mail farther than 500 miles from here," he repeated. "A little bit more, actually. Call it 520 miles. But no farther."

"You see, when we first noticed this happening, a few days ago--"

"You waited a few DAYS?" I interrupted, a tremor tinging my voice. "And you couldn't send email this whole time?"

"We could send email. Just not more than--"

"--500 miles, yes," I finished for him, "I got that. But why didn't you call earlier?"

"Well, we hadn't collected enough data to be sure of what was going on until just now." Right. This is the chairman of statistics.

"Anyway, I asked one of the geostatisticians to look into it--"

"Geostatisticians..."

"--yes, and she's produced a map showing the radius within which we can send email to be slightly more than 500 miles. There are a number of destinations within that radius that we can't reach, either, or reach sporadically, but we can never email farther than this radius." //

"Well, the consultant came in and patched our server and rebooted it. But I called him, and he said he didn't touch the mail system." //

It so happens that Sendmail 5--at least, the version that Sun shipped, which had some tweaks--could deal with the Sendmail 8 sendmail.cf, as most of the rules had at that point remained unaltered. But the new long configuration options--those it saw as junk, and skipped. And the sendmail binary had no defaults compiled in for most of these, so, finding no suitable settings in the sendmail.cf file, they were set to zero.

One of the settings that was set to zero was the timeout to connect to the remote SMTP server. Some experimentation established that on this particular machine with its typical load, a zero timeout would abort a connect call in slightly over three milliseconds.

$ units
1311 units, 63 prefixes
You have: 3 millilightseconds
You want: miles

• 558.84719
  / 0.0017893979

"500 miles, or a little bit more."

Joe Lockhart
✔
@joelockhart

Senators on the floor are sworn to silence and have no electronic devices. So how is this Senator tweeting? Did he sneak a phone in. Is he willing to go to prison? Or is the tweet from someone other than Cruz. @jack you should investigate

Ted Cruz
✔
@tedcruz

View image on Twitter [COME AND TAKE IT]

7:08 PM - Jan 21, 2020

Eccles:
Here, here, here! What's going on here?

Seagoon:
Nothing.

Eccles:
Oh, I'll clear off then.

//

Bloodnok:
Well now Colonel, I suppose you're wondering why you sent for me.

Chinstrap:
Yes, I... just a minute, just a minute my boy. (Off) QUIET OUT THERE! (Normal) Blasted goldfish!!

Bloodnok:
They should wear slippers, you know.

//

FX:
Door opening.

Eccles:
Here! What's going on here?

Bloodnok:
Nothing.

Eccles:
Ah, I'll clear off then.

FX:
Door closes.

//

GRAMS:
Machine gun fire. Bugle playing advance over. Sounds of battle.

Bloodnok:
Ooooooh oooh! The Waziris are attacking. Oooohh! Ooooooh! Anybody got a hole in the ground?

Seagoon:
Bloodnok, this is a fine time to turn coward!

Bloodnok:
I know. That's why I chose it.

FX:
Cork popping.

Chinstrap:
Gentlemen, we'll drink our way out! I'll lead the way.

Seagoon:
You can't drink your way out of this. These tribesmen are tough; There's only one language these Wazirirs understand - Wazirir.

Chinstrap:
Splendid. I'll address the hoards from the battlements in their own language. (Shouts) I say you Wazaries, Chum jum din pew kin, chinkidy chankin juck, aves spon. They're not answering.

Bloodnok:
What? Let me try Humphrey.

Chinstrap:
Yes, thank you.

Bloodnok:
Ohh. Atora muckin tora char, Bombay biddy boda cha! You're right, they're not answering you know.

Chinstrap:
Perhaps it's half day closing.

Bloodnok:
Yes.

Seagoon:
No. Wait! Wait! Ehehehehehehheiei!

Chinstrap:
Yes, I couldn't agree more.

Seagoon:
What are those lumps at the bottom of the foothills?

Eccles:
Toes!

Seagoon:
Shut up, Eccles!

Omnes:
Shut up Eccles! Shut up Eccles!

Seagoon:
Gentlemen, look! They're hauling 'Thin Tom', their long range cannon into position.

Bloodnok:
They're loading it.

Chinstrap:
By gad, sir, they're lighting the fuse.

Sponley:
They're, they're pointing it at us.

Bloodnok:They're going to fire it.

Seagoon:
I wonder what they're up to.

GRAMS:
Shell dropping

Bloodnok:
Duck!

GRAMS:
Explosion followed by hen clucking

Seagoon:
That's no duck, that's a chicken.

Chinstrap:
By gad, sir, they're firing hens at us.

Bloodnok:
A FOUL trick.

Chinstrap:
EGG-sactly.

Milligan:
We're being SHELLED.

Seagoon:
Stop cracking YOKES!

ORCHESTRA:Tatty chord in C

GRAMS:
Massed rifle fire.

Greenslade:
Through the long night the Waziris attacked, firing their bullets from the hidden position inside their rifle barrels. Then at dawn, good tidings.

OMNES:
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb

Cueball has added together all the runtimes of the Star Wars movies (episodes I-IX) and then calculated the exact time at which a message sent to Voyager 1 will have that exact duration in light speed delay. He announces this information to Megan and Beret Guy only seconds before it occurs, allowing him to signal the moment by saying "Now!"
Megan expresses surprise that the event isn't being celebrated with fireworks. Judging by the fact that she doesn't look up from her book, her surprise is insincere. Beret Guy breaks into song with the New Year's traditional "Auld Lang Syne".

This comic highlights a coincidental relationship between the Star Wars Episodes and the NASA Space Probe "Voyager 1", which most likely no one else has thought about, but most likely fitting well with fans of both xkcd and Star Wars.

The first Star Wars episode was released on 25th May 1977 only four months before Voyager 1 was launched on 5th September 1977. The last episode was released more than 42.5 years later on 20th December 2019 only three weeks before this comic.

That is approximately 20.6 light hours away. With the recently released last episode the total viewing time of the nine episodes is 20.35 hours (not including the two spin-off movies Rogue One and Solo).

Essentially a flyby over the runway is nothing more than a planned and prepared go-around from a low altitude. If you say it is a stunt then it probably is not allowed under most legislations. And because of noise regulations airports aren't too happy with the manoeuvre either.

However, nobody will stop you from going around if you "forget" to put your gear down.

I have been in the cockpit on several flybys at several airports, all of them were dressed like a missed approach / go-around along the following lines:

Pilot > "Tower, Hotshot01, requesting permission for a flyby over runway XX

Tower > Negative Hotshot01, you know we can't allow that any longer due to noise restrictions. I can't prevent you from making a go around though! Cleared to land RWY XX.

Pilot > Hmm... ok, cleared to land, Hotshot01

<Hotshot 01 approaches the threshold and applies full power>

Pilot > Hotshot01, going around.

Tower > You owe me a beer now! .. <vectors back to final approach / final destination> //

It must have been a long time ago if they were still using Roman numerals for the runways!

Heh, is that RWY XX Sinistro or Dextro?

This is the humor we need //

Tomorrow I am launching a “No Tomfoolery” bus tour across Iowa to see the state and ensure there is no tomfoolery taking place. pic.twitter.com/hdk1nHtbX7

— Retired Orrin G. Hatch (@RetiredOrrin) December 3, 2019

On Wednesday we will kick off our “No Folderol” seniors parade float, which will slowly drive across Iowa to stamp out any and all illicit folderol and fiddle dee dee. pic.twitter.com/GMvO0AJoLE

— Retired Orrin G. Hatch (@RetiredOrrin) December 3, 2019

On Thursday I am thrilled to announce the launch of our “No Poppycock” horse-drawn carriage excursion, which will trot around Iowa in search of poppycock to eliminate with extreme prejudice.

Poppycock does not stand a chance against us. pic.twitter.com/jMD4h5V8Mr

— Retired Orrin G. Hatch (@RetiredOrrin) December 3, 2019

Starting next Sunday we are taking our talents back on the road for a bacon-themed “No Hogwash” tour.

As we eat the finest bacon across the country we will celebrate the end of hog (wash). pic.twitter.com/sBJw5kPdYm

— Retired Orrin G. Hatch (@RetiredOrrin) December 3, 2019



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The Wallace and Grommet Short Film “A Grand Day Out” Inadvertently, With A Single Joke, Saved Which Of These British Things?

JASON FITZPATRICK  @jasonfitzpatric
JUNE 22, 2018, 1:37PM EDT

GEEK TRIVIA

The Wallace and Grommet Short Film “A Grand Day Out” Inadvertently, With A Single Joke, Saved Which Of These British Things?

Sherwood Forest

Black Cabs

The Chester Zoo

Wensleydale Cheese

The First Feature Film To Employ Stereo Sound Was?





Answer: Wensleydale Cheese

If you’re a fan of curious tales and coincidences, then we’ve got a treat for you today: a story of how a stop motion animator, a single word, and a cheese factory all came into alignment in such a way as to save the little cheese factory.

First, the animator: Nick Park. Mr. Park is the clever mind behind the much loved British stop-motion animation duo Wallace and Gromit—focused on the adventures of a man and his dog. In 1989, he released the short film, A Grand Day Out, in which the duo headed to the moon in search of fun (but mostly cheese). When they arrived and Wallace cut off a chunk of the moon to sample, he took a bite and—because he is ever the cheese connoisseur—announced with surprise, “Wensleydale?”

Why Wensleydale of all the cheeses in the world? You might assume that Mr. Park selected the cheese type because it was made in Wensleydale, North Yorkshire, England, which happens to be in Northern England and in the general area where Wallace lives, but no, it wasn’t. He chose the cheese name simply because he loved the way Wallace looked when animated saying it.

Totally unbeknownst to Mr. Park, the sales of the cheese had been falling for years and the last dairy in Wensleydale itself was on the brink of closing. The appearance of the cheese in A Grand Day Out (and the two sequels, The Wrong Trousers and A Close Shave) prompted them to contact Park’s animation company, Aardman Animations, and ask for permission to license a special line of Wallace and Gromit cheese. The short films coupled with their popularity in Britain put Wensleydale Cheese back on the British cultural map and sales skyrocketed. Today, the dairies of Wensleydale employ nearly two hundred people and produce a wide variety of Wensleydale cheeses.

On Thursday night, a burglar broke into the wrong New York home.

Around 11:00 — just as Willie Murphy was getting ready for bed — a man began banging on her door.

He claimed to be in need of an ambulance — “I’m sick! I’m sick!”

Willie told Rochester’s WHAM-TV that she called the police but wouldn’t let the man in — which angered him.

Then:

“I hear a loud noise. I’m thinking, ‘What the heck was that?’ The young man is in my home. He broke the door.”

What’s an 82-year-old to do?

The man, in fact, was the numerical reverse of Willie: He was 28.

Man in his prime vs. woman in her senior years…who ya got??

The lady had a secret weapon:

“I”m alone and I’m old, but guess what? I’m tough.”

She’s not kidding — as it turns out, the man picked the home of an award-winning bodybuilder.

Octogenarian Willie can deadlift almost 250.

Give them licenses -- it's a safety issue. //

It was a perfect piece: The pooch used someone else’s gas to go ’round and ’round and do nothing but make a mess. Then it crashed and broke something it didn’t own, leaving other people to pay for the whole thing. Sounds just like C-SPAN.

There was one small problem, though: The dog was unlicensed in the state of Florida, thanks to a xenofurbic legislature.

Does that respect the dignity of those who dig?

As for canine rights, personally, I say let ’em drive — it’d greatly troll the environmental elites, who appear to believe it’s wrong to travel in anything other than private jets. And safety won’t be a problem — where I live in LA, once you get on the freeway, you can’t go anywhere anyway.

However, there is, of course, a terrible physical limitation that will forever keep dogs from being full-fledged American drivers: Lacking a thumb and sporting only four toes, they don’t have a middle finger.

Beast mode

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the end of Daylight Saving Time approaches, President Trump has declared that instead of turning the clocks back one hour, Americans will be turning them back to January 20, 2017, granting him an entire redo of his first term in office."I hereby order all Americans, at the end of DST, to turn all their clocks back to January 20, …

People got a bit defensive on Chick-fil-A's behalf. //

The study is pretty misleading with its claim. While it may take longer to get your food from a Chick-fil-A, the line is moving the absolute fastest. The only difference is that more people are at Chick-fil-A.

This is common knowledge, and the internet was more than happy to get a tad defensive on Chick-fil-A’s behalf.

You misspelled busiest.

You misspelled longest line.

Uh...only on Sundays

Yes, at long last, you can now live out your dream of falling asleep while you lazily drift down a river, hit a sharp submerged stick, and awake in total darkness as cool, refreshing water rushes into your tent and a high-quality nylon body bag slowly entombs you and pulls you down to where the rescue divers will recover your waterlogged, fish-eaten corpse. //

Martian Law
8/19/19 1:37pm

“He died like he lived: drifting aimlessly wherever the current took him.”

Kraven101
8/19/19 6:30pm

“So we beat on, tents against the current, borne ceaselessly into the past.”

Early Discloser
8/20/19 12:51am

We always knew he would die, just like he lived: intentsly.

U.S.—After California added Iowa to its growing list of states to which the government will not fund trips, all the other states began clamoring to get added to this ban list. //

While just eleven states are currently on the list, dozens more are applying. Soon, almost every state except Oregon and New York will be on the list, and peace and utopia will break out across the nation as CA politicians will no longer be able to go there and say weird things and do even dumber things.

The states were disappointed to learn that the ban didn't include all Californians, but they said banning just the politicians was a good start, since they're the ones who ruined the state to begin with.

U.S.—Joe Biden recently made a strange claim: that 2+2=5. He was ridiculed for his gaffe after making the statement while speaking at an elementary school. The kids all said, "Hey, dummy! The answer is 4, not 5!"

But the crack squad of fact-checkers at Snopes quickly got to work on Biden's incredulous claim. Their findings? Biden's statement was actually "mostly true."

"Sure, Biden got some key details wrong," said Bob Snopes, founder of Snopes. "But the central concept of what he was saying, that two numbers put together make another number, was completely accurate. Sometimes two and two make four. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. It is not easy to become sane."

The website's 6,000-word defense/fact-check of Biden's claim further pointed out that 80% of the answer was correct, and it's only the one additional number that was a mixture of truth and falsehood.

Tom Mc__ Who asked to remain anonymous...

Alaskan flat tyre.

You had one job!

Door won't close

“Hollywood before special effects.
(🎥 via @TheFigen) https://t.co/y6wv2BNMEc”