Eccles:
Here, here, here! What's going on here?
Seagoon:
Nothing.
Eccles:
Oh, I'll clear off then.
//
Bloodnok:
Well now Colonel, I suppose you're wondering why you sent for me.
Chinstrap:
Yes, I... just a minute, just a minute my boy. (Off) QUIET OUT THERE! (Normal) Blasted goldfish!!
Bloodnok:
They should wear slippers, you know.
//
FX:
Door opening.
Eccles:
Here! What's going on here?
Bloodnok:
Nothing.
Eccles:
Ah, I'll clear off then.
FX:
Door closes.
//
GRAMS:
Machine gun fire. Bugle playing advance over. Sounds of battle.
Bloodnok:
Ooooooh oooh! The Waziris are attacking. Oooohh! Ooooooh! Anybody got a hole in the ground?
Seagoon:
Bloodnok, this is a fine time to turn coward!
Bloodnok:
I know. That's why I chose it.
FX:
Cork popping.
Chinstrap:
Gentlemen, we'll drink our way out! I'll lead the way.
Seagoon:
You can't drink your way out of this. These tribesmen are tough; There's only one language these Wazirirs understand - Wazirir.
Chinstrap:
Splendid. I'll address the hoards from the battlements in their own language. (Shouts) I say you Wazaries, Chum jum din pew kin, chinkidy chankin juck, aves spon. They're not answering.
Bloodnok:
What? Let me try Humphrey.
Chinstrap:
Yes, thank you.
Bloodnok:
Ohh. Atora muckin tora char, Bombay biddy boda cha! You're right, they're not answering you know.
Chinstrap:
Perhaps it's half day closing.
Bloodnok:
Yes.
Seagoon:
No. Wait! Wait! Ehehehehehehheiei!
Chinstrap:
Yes, I couldn't agree more.
Seagoon:
What are those lumps at the bottom of the foothills?
Eccles:
Toes!
Seagoon:
Shut up, Eccles!
Omnes:
Shut up Eccles! Shut up Eccles!
Seagoon:
Gentlemen, look! They're hauling 'Thin Tom', their long range cannon into position.
Bloodnok:
They're loading it.
Chinstrap:
By gad, sir, they're lighting the fuse.
Sponley:
They're, they're pointing it at us.
Bloodnok:They're going to fire it.
Seagoon:
I wonder what they're up to.
GRAMS:
Shell dropping
Bloodnok:
Duck!
GRAMS:
Explosion followed by hen clucking
Seagoon:
That's no duck, that's a chicken.
Chinstrap:
By gad, sir, they're firing hens at us.
Bloodnok:
A FOUL trick.
Chinstrap:
EGG-sactly.
Milligan:
We're being SHELLED.
Seagoon:
Stop cracking YOKES!
ORCHESTRA:Tatty chord in C
GRAMS:
Massed rifle fire.
Greenslade:
Through the long night the Waziris attacked, firing their bullets from the hidden position inside their rifle barrels. Then at dawn, good tidings.
OMNES:
Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb
