1. They praise the process
   When you praise the process (e.g., the kid putting effort into a math assignment), instead of the talent or outcome (e.g., the kid's natural ability to solve math problems quickly), kids are more likely to develop a positive attitude toward future challenges. //

2. They never make it a competition
   Parents love to compare — we can't help it! And sometimes, we'll even tell our kids that they're better than others ("You scored more goals than all your teammates combined!").

Often, it's done with good intentions. We want them to feel as proud as we do, and to be motivated to do even better the next time ... but for all the wrong reasons.

It's not healthy to be trapped in a vicious cycle of competition. Social comparisons can teach kids to always measure success based on the outcomes of other people. //

The better approach? Encourage them to compare their past efforts with their present efforts, rather than with other people. This gets them into the habit of shifting their goals away from being better than everyone else and toward self-improvement. //

3. They use observational language
   Instead of saying, "That's so good!", you may want to say, "I love the colors in your painting. Tell me more about why you chose them." (This is what it means to praise the process.)

Another example: Instead of saying, "You looked like a pro riding that bike!," parents of motivated kids might say something like, "You were so careful and focused while riding your bike. Even when you wobbled a bit and almost fell off, you kept going! That was cool to watch." //

Lastly, it's important to create an environment of emotional safety. If your child failed a spelling test, refrain from telling them they should have studied harder. Instead, ask them what they think they can do to improve next time.

Kids need to know that they can come to their parents not just when they've done something well, but also when they are struggling with a specific task or challenge.