Okay, everyone, today is Earth Day, which means one thing: WE ARE DOOMED!

Hey, don’t scream at me; this is the consensus of the scientific community. Welllllll — in actuality, it is the consensus of the media covering the scientific community, but this is serious stuff!

As long as you don’t analyze their claims.

Beginning from the very first Earth Day in 1970 there are issues. Much of the propaganda sermonizing coming from that event concerned us freezing to death from the inevitable approaching ice age. Also, famine was due to wipe out billions by the end of the decade, pollution would block the sun, acid rain would kill all plant life, and we’d run out of oil…uh, 30 years ago. Now, some may want to overstate the fact that the founder of the event, Ira Einhorn, murdered his girlfriend, but it is important to understand that he lived by example — he did compost her body. //

Part of the reason we’ll be heating up is due to an increase in clouds which will have heat-trapping effects. Another reason we’ll be heating up is there will be fewer clouds, and we will roast in the sunlight. Unless – an increase in clouds reflect that sunlight and shade the planet. OR, we’ll see a decrease in clouds altogether. which means they will NOT be trapping the heat nor reflecting the sun, which is either bad or good, depending. Truthfully, when it comes to discussing this subject it is advisable to just avoid any mention of clouds at all, or you will just make the doomsday prophets all kinds of cranky.

The Earth’s rotation will become affected by GW. We just cannot be sure if it will start turning faster or slowing down. Whichever happens, just be sure it’s bad.

Obviously, as we heat up it means there will be less snow, but that means fewer avalanches. Except, we are also promised mountain regions will also experience more avalanches. Not sure how the math works out on that one. Probably best to just hope for the best.