The weekly advice column no one asked for //

after twenty years of marriage, I can tell you that no thriving relationship comes without a cost, without compromise. Despite modern sensibilities, it is actually a very good thing to marry young. You grow into each other’s lives together, at the same pace. The older one gets the harder it becomes because you are being asked to clear out space in your life that has been occupied by other junk for a long time. //

Your girlfriend isn’t willing to make space for you in her life. She won’t even make it for you in her bed. Is that the type of person you can see yourself settling down with? //

The woman is the one who is creating boundaries where none need exist. She is not so much choosing her cat over you, but rather her independence over you. Independence is a great thing, but healthy relationships are made when two people decide to depend on each other. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem to be ready for that. //

You’ll know a woman is right for you when she not only makes reasonable compromises for your comfort and happiness, but finds joy in doing so. Likewise, you will also find joy in making her life better for her even if it means giving up some comfort on your end. It won’t be a battle or big negotiation, it will evolve reasonably because that’s what happens in mature relationships.