Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie
.@SpeakerPelosi is seriously considering this person to serve as the chairwoman of the Transportation Committee.
0:45 / 0:45
10:43 AM · Jan 17, 2022

https://mobile.twitter.com/RepThomasMassie/status/1483102654100385797

Now, the video is from 2015. Roll Call reported it at the time as the “worst parking job ever” and “abandon all hope, ye who happen to park anywhere near geometrically challenged-motorist Eleanor Holmes Norton.” Now we should note that she later claimed to media that there was no damage to the other cars and the Capitol Police said no report had been filed about any damage. But yeesh, how do you park like that, to begin with, and then how do you leave the car that way? And what does that say about you if you do?

Can we talk about how this is a metaphor for the Democrats in general not knowing where they are going? And if this is how she was driving in 2015 when she was 77, what is she driving like now when she’s 84? Roll Call noted this wasn’t the only bad parking job that could be attributed to her, noting she allegedly blocked a handicap ramp with her car and then took off. A female meter/ticket person observed the incident but then did nothing, according to their sources.

Brad Slager - Incontinent On Another Continent
@MartiniShark
You heard zebras are running loose in the Maryland-D.C. area? Well, Rep. Elanore Holmes Norton has released a statement declaring she was not behind setting the animals free. She even claims to have an alibi.
This, of course, shoots her right to the top of the list of suspects.
2:53 PM · Sep 10, 2021

A man in Hong Kong was assaulted by angry fans after shouting out spoilers to people lining up outside a cinema to see “Avengers: Endgame,” according to multiple reports.

According to Deadline, which cited reports in Taiwanese media, the unidentified man shouted major aspects of the plot at the fans before he was attacked.

Where is Santa now?

The red phone rang one day in December 1955, and Shoup answered it, Pam says. "And then there was a small voice that just asked, 'Is this Santa Claus?' "

His children remember Shoup as straight-laced and disciplined, and he was annoyed and upset by the call and thought it was a joke — but then, Terri says, the little voice started crying.

"And Dad realized that it wasn't a joke," her sister says. "So he talked to him, ho-ho-ho'd and asked if he had been a good boy and, 'May I talk to your mother?' And the mother got on and said, 'You haven't seen the paper yet? There's a phone number to call Santa. It's in the Sears ad.' Dad looked it up, and there it was, his red phone number. And they had children calling one after another, so he put a couple of airmen on the phones to act like Santa Claus."

"It got to be a big joke at the command center. You know, 'The old man's really flipped his lid this time. We're answering Santa calls,' " Terri says.

X Strategies LLC
@XStrategiesLLC
Bob Dole's farewell letter:

"I'm a bit curious to learn if I am correct in thinking that Heaven will look a lot like Kansas… And to see, like others who have gone before me, if I will still be able to vote in Chicago."

12:43 PM · Dec 10, 2021 //

What an absolute savage. You have to respect a man who’s willing to exercise a sense of humor at his own funeral, and I think it’s a great thing. This country could use a dose of levity. Too many people are at each others’ throats constantly. //

In short, be the person who has a funeral that makes people laugh, not one that serves as a campaign commercial. Politics is serious business at times, but it’s also not that serious at times. Dole illustrated that perfectly.

In a farewell letter to the American public, former Senator Bob Dole, who passed away at 98 years old this week of lung cancer, mocked Chicago’s long history of allowing dead people to vote in elections.

Robin Dole, Dole’s daughter, read the tribute during her speech at his funeral in the Washington National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. on Friday.

“As I make the final walk on my life’s journey, I do so without fear. Because I know that I will, again, not be walking alone. I know that God will be walking with me,” the late senator wrote. “I also confess that I’m a bit curious to learn and find if I am correct in thinking that heaven will look a lot like Kansas and to see, like others who have gone before me, if I will still be able to vote in Chicago.”

But there was another “incident” during the interview that CNN remarked on that truly caused a meltdown on the part of the left. At the beginning of the interview, Sinema’s ringtone on her phone went off. “Her ringtone is the refrain from a song in the musical ‘Hamilton’ that includes the lyrics “you don’t have the votes,” CNN noted. “It’s been her ringtone since 2015, the year the musical was originally released, her spokesman told CNN.” That caused the folks on the left to melt down, declaring their hate for her, while people on the right declared it a master troll. //

Dan McLaughlin
@baseballcrank
Troll level: 1790.

The retired Eli and Peyton Manning make for great viewing, but horrible career decisions. //

NFL history also took place, when for the first time ever, a player got a sack tackling his own name, as the Jags saw linebacker Josh Allen take down the star QB. Josh Allen also intercepted a Josh Allen pass, and when Josh Allen fumbled it was recovered by — Josh Allen.

StatMuse
@statmuse
The Manning Curse: Players are 0-6 after appearing on the ManningCast this season.

— Kelce on Week 1, lost Week 2
— Russ on Week 1, lost Week 2
— Gronk on Week 2, lost Week 3
— Stafford on Week 3, lost Week 4
— Brady on Week 7, lost Week 8
— Josh Allen on Week 8, lost Week 9
4:12 PM · Nov 7, 2021

It's time once again for Popehat Goes To The Opera, the feature in which I demonstrate that opera is more bizarre, ridiculous, and wonderful than you had realized.

Previously I defiled Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte and Wagner's Tannhauser. Let's give the Germans a rest and abuse an Italian, shall we? The prolific and talented Giuseppe Verdi — good old Joe Green himself — is as good a candidate as any. This edition's opera is Verdi's mid-career work Un Ballo In Maschera, or "A Masked Ball." No, there will be no testicular jokes. Opera is Serious Business.

"You're taking the halon away?!" the PFY gasps.

"We have to," the Boss responds.

"It's the Montreal Protocol," the fire engineer says. "You shouldn't even have halon in the first place."

Good artists copy. Great artists steal. Greatest artists copy, then paste.

Simplicity. Elegance. Form. Function.

Today marks a new beginning for programmers around the world. Stack Overflow is proud to unveil our first venture into hardware, The Key™.

They say good artists copy, but great artists steal. They were wrong. Great artists, developers, and engineers copy. Then they paste.

Every day, millions of innovators and creators across the globe move society and industry forward by copy-pasting code from Stack Overflow. But for too long, this process has been stuck in the past. //

Our keyboard is made of 100% machine milled plastic sourced from the rarest polyurethane plants.

The switches underneath each keycap have been rigorously tested to ensure the optimal finger feel and smooth action.

What happens when you press a keyboard? It clicks. Every day you’re working on a computer, you’re hearing thousands of clicks. Millions of clicks shape your experience each year.

Our click’s volume and tone were crafted by sampling the natural wonder of song bird chirps. We run that audio data through cutting edge deep learning systems to produce a sound that is optimized to improve productivity and mood.

Each key cap has been precisely etched using industrial grade lasers normally reserved for diamond cutting and quantum fusion drives.

The Key™ is compatible with virtually any computing device. From a Raspberry Pi to a high end gaming rig, cutting edge copy-paste is within your reach. //

UPDATE 2: The Key is actually, for real available for pre-order. Our original production line sold out in six hours, so please be patient.

The Lincoln Continental died last year, with production ending almost a year ago now. And yet there are apparently still brand new Lincoln Continentals to be found at dealers. Ford said Monday that it sold all of 14 Continentals last month. //

I have many questions about these 14 Continentals, mainly: Who the hell is buying a Lincoln Continental in 2021? Who are the 14 classiest people in America? Or is it one extremely cool person who bought 14 Lincoln Continentals? Is it a fleet, and where can I find this fleet?

Also, why now? //

If you are one of September’s Continental buyers, please show thyself.

In Jeff's world, it's not 'you snooze, you lose', it's 'you lose, you sues'

The cs.cmu.edu Coke machine was hooked up to a computer by John Zsarnay and/or Lawrence Butcher (now at Xerox PARC); essentially, the six little out-of-product lights on the pushbuttons were monitored. These would flash on for a couple seconds while a particular bottle was dispensed, and of course stay on when a column was empty. They were connected, I believe, to a terminal server machine that was programmed by Mike Kazar to keep track of the time of the last transition (short-term and long-term) for each column. He and Dave Nichols put together a simple Coke@+(TM) protocol by which any machine on the local University-grant Ethernet, and later the Internet as a whole, could probe the current status of the machine; Dave wrote the program that became the ``coke'' command, which printed out the length of time since each column had been totally empty. (The idea, you see, was to notice when a column, having gone empty, was refilled with (warm, room-temperature) Coke, because in principle you wanted to select the coldest Coke available, and thus avoid those colums that had recently been refilled.

418. I’m a teapot.

The requested entity body is short and stout.
Tip me over and pour me out.

The Save 418 Movement
We are the teapots.

Status Code 418 states that

Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and stout.

-- See RFC2324 Section 2.3.2

Go to Google.com/teapot, and see for yourself.

Skeptical Techie
2 hours ago
You forgot the offside rule (sorry Law). Its seeming purpose is to perplex all experienced and very skilled sandlot players, fans, novices (who rarely understand it was called and have absolutely zero idea why play stopped with the ball given to the formerly defensive team {"side" in soccer ~football in football parlance~ parlance), and the referees themselves. Virtually nobody understands this rule except for some coaches (some each of rec, select and pro). All (except the refs) get upset and yell incoherently for most of the calls.

And soccer (so called only in the USA, Canada and sort-of in Japan, almost everybody else calls it football, fut, foot or some variant, the Italians call it il calcio, the kick) has its own language with various dialects based on native language and who knows what else.

Kick Off: First Touch

Side Line: Touch Line
Goal Line: Goal Line <== But nobody learning the sport can believe it is actually called that.
Team: Side
Uniform: Kit
How many referees: Really super hard to tell. It keeps changing. (not a definition but...).

Rule: Law
Rules: Laws of the Game
Game: Match
Field: Pitch

Positions: Aside from Goalkeeper/goalie/keeper and forward, the rest are more guidelines than anything really instructive as to what they do.
Fan: Fan
Violent Fan: Hooligan

MVP: Man of the Match <== Never heard "Woman of the Match" declared at a women's match...
Big Box near goal: Technical Area (but for a game with seemingly so many inscrutable rules why is this area THE technical area and not everything within the boundary lines (d4mn1t, within the touch and goal lines).

Small Box near goal: Goal Box (seems too simple and easy).

My favorite rule[law]: The offside rule. It's application (enforcement) has three (3) exceptions which really boil down to only one exception, whenever the ball has gone outside the "field of play" (yes it is a "pitch", but never mind that). So the three exceptions are on a throw-in, a corner kick and (the usually forgotten exception) a goal kick (when the goalie/keeper is given the ball to kick, with a single touch only, back into play from within their goal box). Of course in each instance, the ball had just been sent out of "the field of play" and is being brought back in to restart play. So why not just say that? Nobody knows, except maybe it would make it more understandable to players, coaches, refs and fans alike.

There is one (ONE) term that soccer/football aficionados get right and is simply put:

"Own goal". Yes, this is the easiest one to figure out. Some simp just scored on his/her "own goal". Not safety, not touch back (and what is the difference anyway?). Just "own goal". And, guess who is the first player out of the soccer park that day (skip the showers, I'm outta here). Only weeks later are the beers on the own goal fool..

Soccer is the world’s most popular sport, as we are told every time some bored sportswriter dusts off their collegiate freshman globalization mantra handbook and pens yet another stirring op-ed decrying its status, or lack thereof, within our golden shores. You just don’t understand the beautiful game, comes the cry against those among us who 1) still watch sports of any kind period 2) would rather watch baseball or football or hockey or basketball or tiddlywinks, preferably not involving one spending a few decades altogether too close for comfort. //

In soccer, only the goaltender is allowed to touch the ball with his or her hands. Everyone else is prohibited from using anything from shoulder to fingertip to touch the ball. The preferred method of moving the ball is kicking. Occasionally, a player will bounce the ball off of his or her head in order to make it go in the desired direction. This is called a header. Or, if done improperly, a concussion. //

A player on defense will often try to strip the ball from a player on offense, or a player who’s just plain offensive. This involves trying to either step in-between the ball and the feet of the player who has possession, or sliding at the ball in order to kick it away from the player who has possession. In either case, the player who had possession is required by international law to immediately fall down and writhe in agony much like one who is possessed. This continues until either the player who went after the ball is called for a foul, or no one buys the act of the mortally wounded player at which time he or she will miraculously heal and get back up.